Clean Bill

I'm looking forward to the day my dr/specialist says "Toni, you're well" and I don't have to have these weekly, fortnightly and monthly appointments.

Its not that I'm not happy with the treatments I've received. I am. I think I couldn't have asked for better.

I'm just over it all.

I've been asked to meet up with a friend for coffee (or in my case, water) but I have to fit everything around med appnts at the moment and I think that's pretty .... ummmm .... well ...... sad!

I hate not being able to have the luxury of being spontaneous and say "how about tomorrow".

It will come though. I will get my clean bill :D

Day 3 Without Coke

Wow! Day 3. I can't believe I've lasted this long actually. 

I feel the "need/desire/yearning" for a coke deep down. Its a burning ball sitting in my gut at the moment but I'm not giving in. Hopefully not in any near future either.

Yesterday I stood in front of a shop fridge just staring at the bottles of coke. I was having such a good conversation in my head and I bet I looked very strange :D The conversation went like this:

"Oh look coke is 2 for $5"

"Yeah and its $5 staying in your wallet"

"But, its on sale"

"Yeah, but you're not drinking it"

"But surely one won't hurt"

"I bet Bonnie won't say that"

"Oh that's right, bring out the big guns"

"Anything to keep you from buying that coke"

And you know what, I walked away empty handed.

Did I regret doing that?

Heck yeah! I am so badly wanting a coke right now I could of cheerfully shot myself but I'm sure it was a good decision.

Goes to show how badly I've been addicted to the stuff but I am glad I didn't give in.

Since Christmas I've lost 9 kgs and hopefully this will help me knock a bit more weight off. Plus going swimming every week is helping to build strength.

As Bonnie said, just need to find a small bottle of something good that I can have instead of coke but I don't want it to be any other type of softdrink.

Addictions!

Do you have any?

I do!

Is that a gasp of shock I hear?

I have a Coke/Caffeine addiction. I don't drink coffee or tea. I drink coke to get my caffeine. I go through times where I reduce my intake or stop altogether and, of course, suffer the bad headaches with it. I keep telling myself this is the last carton I'm buying but I know I don't really mean it.

You know why?

Cause I like it! I enjoy having a can of coke!

Is that another gasp I just heard?

Yep, you heard me right. I enjoy drinking coke. I know its not good for me but then, isn't it always the case? Most things that we like aren't good for us. But herein lies my problem ............

I don't let my children drink coke (much). They are only allowed a softdrink every now and then. I would say they probably only have it maybe once every other month or three (if that often). When they can have one, I always try to have them drink an orange or lemonade.

Now they are getting older (and wiser) they question me over drinking coke:

• "Why are you allowed to drink it when I'm not?".
• "Why isn't it bad for you if its bad for me"
• "Why isn't it rotting your teeth"

And on the questions go until I am forced to snap and say "Because I said so". I really hated being told that as a child so I can imagine how my kids feel when I say it to them. I try not to do it too often.

So my long term goal (say 4-6 mths) will be to cut coke from my daily life. GASP!!!!

This time its me gasping :D

My reasons for this are simple:

• I'll save money
• I'll be healthier
• My children won't feel like I am letting them down

I hate the feeling of my kids being disappointed with me. I know I can do and have what I want because I'm an adult but I want my kids to understand that I'm not being selfish or deliberately teasing them. So adult or not, I think its now best that I do what I tell them. Don't drink coke because it is unhealthy.

Not only is it unhealthy for my body but it is so unhealthy for my wallet. I am trying to budget better and two weeks ago I was out of food money and had a couple of days til payday. Do you know what happened?

No, you say!

I'll tell you!

I had put money aside at the start for a carton of coke because I knew the one we had wouldn't last. I justified my buying the carton because I had "saved the money".

Now tell, isn't that just so sad?

That in itself shows me what a hard hold on my life I have let this addiction have. So, my aim is to stop drinking it altogether with maybe the occasional treat. I think this will be a bit hard as I've drunk it for so many years now but its never too late to stop.

Wish me luck!